How to Sell a $100 Million Mansion (Without Losing Your Mind)
So, you think selling a $100 million home is glamorous, huh?
You picture yourself in a sharp suit, sipping champagne with billionaires, and cashing a commission check so big – you’ll need a wheelbarrow.
Let me pop that champagne bubble for you!
Selling a house like this is a mix of charm, hustle, and occasionally … convincing a buyer why they need a $10 million walk-in closet—for their shoes. Let’s get into it.
Step one – Find someone who has ridiculous money—and no, your cousin who just hit big on crypto doesn’t count.
These buyers don’t browse Zillow – You have to dig deep, network, and occasionally stalk.
I mean, network aggressively.
Let’s say you hear a billionaire is buying their third yacht.
Perfect! Call their assistant and say, ‘You know what pairs perfectly with a yacht? – A $100 million home where it can dock.
Who says no to that?”
Oh, and remember: If they say, “I’ll pay in Bitcoin,” you run… and You run fast.
Step two – Stage the Home Like It’s a Movie Set
At this level, you’re not just staging a home—you’re crafting a fantasy.
Buyers don’t want a “nice house” – they want a lifestyle.
Is it over the top? – Absolutely! – But if it works, who cares?
“Got a buyer who loves luxury cars? – Park a Bugatti in the driveway.
Don’t have a Bugatti? Get a really shiny Toyota and park it very very far away. And make sure that the buyer never goes that way – They’ll never know.”
And for staging, remember: no animal heads, no political memorabilia, and definitely no IKEA furniture.
You want buyers to feel like the house was built by a wizard and furnished by a unicorn
Step 3 – Price It Like You’re Selling Art, Not Real Estate
Here’s the thing about pricing: It’s not about what the house is worth—it’s about how much you can make the buyer believe it’s worth.
You’re not just selling marble countertops; you’re selling handcrafted artisanal slabs quarried by monks in Italy… probably.
If the house is worth $90 million, price it at $110 million and call it a ‘rare opportunity.’
If the buyer hesitates, just throw in a story about how Beyoncé almost bought it. Trust me, it works.
And when the seller insists it’s worth $200 million because they added gold faucets, just smile and say, “Sure, why not?”
Then quietly lower their expectations when no one bites.
Step 4 – Handle the Vanity Showings Like a Pro
Welcome to the world of vanity showings—where buyers with no intention of buying just want a private tour to feel fancy. It’s like a free museum visit, except you’re the tour guide. Smile and play along.
“One guy asked me, ‘Is the infinity pool actually infinite?’
I said, ‘Of course! As long as you don’t look too hard at the edge.’
He didn’t buy the house, but he did take a selfie with the pool.”
Sometimes, it’s not about selling the house—it’s about surviving the conversation.
Step 5 – Manage Their Bizarre Requests
Billionaires are a quirky bunch – Some will ask for midnight showings to “avoid the paparazzi.” Others might want to test the water pressure to make sure it’s perfect for their $25,000 espresso machine. You say yes to everything. Why? – Because you need the sale.
“Once, a buyer insisted on bringing their dog to the showing… to see if the dog liked the backyard. Spoiler: The dog hated it, and we lost the sale. Lesson learned: Always have dog treats.”
Step 6 – Negotiate Like a Therapist
Negotiating a $100 million deal is like couples therapy. The buyer wants to pay $90 million; the seller insists on $100 million because “that’s what their astrologer predicted.”
Your job? – Find the middle ground.
“I once got a deal done by suggesting the seller throw in their wine collection. The buyer agreed… but only after we counted every bottle. Yes, every bottle. One hundred and eighty seven of them”
When all else fails, remind them that $5 million is pocket change for people with private islands.
Step 7 – Celebrate (and Hope It’s Worth It)
Closing a $100 million deal is the ultimate high. The commissions are insane, but so are the expenses. You’ve probably spent six figures on staging, marketing, and pretending to enjoy fancy sushi. But when that check clears? It’s all worth it.
“One seller gifted their agent a week on their private yacht after the sale. Of course, they made the agent pay for their own flights, but hey—free yacht!”
Selling a $100 million home isn’t easy, but it’s an adventure you’ll never forget. It’s part hustle, part charm, and part trying not to laugh at ridiculous requests.
What’s the craziest thing you’d do to close a deal? Until next time, I’ll be dreaming about that commission check.
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